smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
