I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
