Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
