imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
this will be a night to untag.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
