We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Your topless pictures make me question reality
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
