So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
where are my eyebrows?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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