halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
