I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
