Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
