**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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