hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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