I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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