Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
