if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
