I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
