Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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