I wanna passion pit in your ass
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i think my cat just said my name.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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