are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
