I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
