Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
