My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
