Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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