theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
