And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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