I can text with my tongue
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
