I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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