why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
