Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
