Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize