alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
a search helicopter?!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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