i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
