Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize