Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
