So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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