College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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