Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
