Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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