If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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