She is in my trunk
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
