someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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