fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
