The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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