It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
