Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
