So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
