Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
