Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
