is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize