My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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