There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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