OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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