it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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