good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm too high and old for this...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
