Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
