Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
