I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
