You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Still dying that you shit outside
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
