you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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