morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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