I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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