Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
