I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
