i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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