is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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