Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I lost the right to judge tonight
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
