Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Randomize