I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize