So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
