I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
