Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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