I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
