Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
