yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
