why didn't you poke me back
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
