I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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