just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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