I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
