dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
