: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
