4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
