I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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