Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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