I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
