Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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