The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
