she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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