Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
