I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
