please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
