You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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