Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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