Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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