I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
