Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize