handjob tips. give me some.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
