I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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