So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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