I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
